How to be happier: give more. But how do we give without draining ourselves?
No more resentment, no more people-pleasing, just giving from a place of love and abundance.
Hello everyone, I hope you are all well. I apologise for missing my newsletter last week, I came down with a bad cold and had to rest.
You might think that I decided to write about giving because of the season we’re in, but actually it’s because I see some issues around giving come up a lot with my clients.
Numerous studies have proven that acts of service make us feel good. We have to give to feel joy, and we have to give without expectation (which is actually quite tricky, people often think they are giving without expecting anything, but deep down they do want something in return, even if it is just gratitude).
That said, I know my audience and I know my clients, and I see that they already give so much of themselves, to the point that they are exhausted and have very little left for themselves.
They give their time to people or things that don’t make them feel good (hello, boundaries), they give their attention and energy which doesn’t get replenished. They might feel good about giving in the moment, but then resent it later on if they lost time, effort, or energy that perhaps went unappreciated.
So, if giving really is the secret to happiness, how do we do it without ending up burnt out? How do we give without, on some level, hoping for something in return?
Here are some of my suggestions (that I’ve tried and have worked for me):
Give small things that don’t cost you energy, time or effort; a hug to someone you love, a compliment to a friend, or write a note to someone telling them why you appreciate them.
Give to strangers to eliminate any expectation of return. It can be as simple as a smile. You’ve put that good energy out into the world, where it can only multiply. The kindness will return to you when you least expect it.
Take note every day of what you gave throughout your day, and see how it made you feel.
If you find you're drained or resentful, see if there are patterns emerging; were you people-pleasing? Did you feel like you couldn’t say no? Did someone to cross your boundaries? Becoming aware is the first step to reacting differently the next time it occurs.
Schedule in time to give to yourself:
Tell yourself something kind in the mirror.
Do something special just for you, what would nourish you?.
If you can, invest in something you need or want without feeling guilty about it (women especially are so bad at investing in themselves, I plan to write a whole newsletter just about this and how we can change it. It comes back to simply valuing ourselves enough).
Studies have shown that money can indeed buy happiness, but mostly when we give it away. A Harvard study gave participants twenty dollars. Some had to spend it on themselves, others had to spend it on others. I think you can guess who was happier by the end of the day!
Obviously, we need money to survive, but clinging to it doesn’t guarantee anything, there has to be flow. See what you can afford to give, or if there’s a cause you’d like to support, even a tiny amount like a fiver can make a difference.
Some say that when they part with money, either to someone/something or by investing in themselves, it comes back to them in a much bigger sum.
Now take note of what you received and welcomed in. Has it increased since you started giving more? How does it feel to receive? Here is post I put on Instagram a while ago about receiving. If you struggle to receive, definitely give it a read!
If would like to work with me but struggle to invest in yourself, then send these links to a loved one! My offers are available as very special Christmas gifts.
Or, do you have someone you would like to gift this magical experience to? Just let me know, remember that payment plans are available.
Soul Signs - Energy Portraiture: Available until December 9th at a discount. Learn more and book here.
Those of you on this newsletter list receive a further discount of €100.
I want this to be as accessible as possible, so please get in touch if you want to work with me but you’re not sure how to make it possible.
Resurface - Tell your story: an opportunity to unravel and share your story. Time to reframe some outdated stories and break free of unhelpful patterns! Available now at only €222. Learn more and book here.
I have sustainable Christmas cards, prints and cushions available here. You can also find my work at the Secret Door shopping experience in Graz.
Thanks so much everyone for your replies, your support, and your kind words about this newsletter and my work in general. It sustains me and I appreciate it so much.
Tamzin xx