Why Married at First Sight helps creativity

Admitting to bad habits or...?

The last few years, I’ve been hooked on Married at First Sight Australia. I discovered it while I was in hospital, binged a couple of seasons of it, and vowed I’d never watch again — I only allowed myself this indulgence due to my circumstances, surely?! At the time, I also found comfort in the Real Housewives franchise and Below Deck Mediterranean (seaside, drama and people behaving despicably on a boat? Yes, please!).

A few years later, here we are, and I’m still watching MAFS when a new season comes out, but I don’t feel the same shame about it. These “guilty” pleasures are in fact pleasures, and they nourish me and my creativity.

Are these kinds of shows exploitative? Yes, no doubt. Are they actually “reality”? No, they’re heavily edited and influenced by production. Are there endless long pauses and irritating replays in case we missed a scene the first ten times? Yes, every episode could easily be half as long and better for it. But none of that is the point — I’m not here to debate the pros and cons of reality tv or the throw-away celebrity culture that goes with it. These shows do pose certain dangers of course, but I can’t help but watch along — human nature is fascinating and compelling, and here the best and worst is on full display.

So, why am I so happy to waste my braincells, my time and my energy on something that is objectively “bad”?

Setting aside time for these “bad habits” can do wonders for my creativity, I know they do the same for others, and they probably could for yours too… But only if we remove the guilt from “guilty pleasure”! Here’s why:

Being a creative person is exhausting, especially if you’re doing it right…

Sure, being creative is exhilarating too and we wouldn’t choose it any other way, but it can be draining at the best of times. We have to be entirely self-motivated and self-disciplined, never mind the mental energy the work itself takes after we’ve cracked the motivation and discipline. Then, if you want to make a living from said creativity, well, don’t get me started.

Most days, I sit down at my desk and I write, or I have one-to-one sessions with mentees who are deeply committed to using their voices, creating new things, or standing up for what they believe in through their art. When someone starts working with me, it’s usually because they’re burnt out from this pursuit and something has to change.

None of the above can be put on auto-pilot. Writing and mentoring require me to SHOW UP with my whole self, to think a little differently, to work a little harder, to try different things or to learn new ways. Otherwise, boredom probably would have seen me run for the hills by now, so I’m glad of it, but it also means that my mind is always on.

Being creative is basically thinking. Thinking, and overthinking. Then rethinking.

Then, editing what you thought about earlier and adding new thoughts to the thinking.

When you think you’ve finished thinking, think again; a new idea to think about has just popped up…

And remember those twenty thoughts from yesterday? You haven’t finished thinking about them yet…

Basically writers, artists, etc., spend a lot of time in their heads. Sometimes we love it there, sometimes we can’t stand it, but either way — our heads are intense places to be.

In my time off, most days I also journal, read, reflect — all things that require yet more thinking (it’s possible I’m addicted to thinking?). Yes, to switch off my brain I can also turn to meditation, nature, exercise and my social life — all of which I do (though the exercise one does also require discipline, so I can’t say I’m as consistent with it).

My priority in my work is to create.

And, in order to have the energy and the mental space for inspiration, followed by motivation and discipline to Get The Thing Done, it is essential we give ourselves total breaks, without feeling bad about what those breaks look like. For me right now, that’s MAFS with a cup of tea or cocoa after a workday — a moment of mental oblivion before I reset and get back to life-ing. If I want to show up for the people in my life fully too, this reset serves me well.

Anything that can halt the endless, high-speed trains-of-thought in their tracks and give me and my mind a total break are winners in my book.

Yes, we also have to be mindful of the pitfalls of dopamine addiction, numbing or endless procrastination, but usually letting ourselves off the hook and FORGIVING ourselves can solve those problems in the first place.

If you are dedicated to making something out of nothing, if that’s as important a value for you as it is for me, then I applaud you. I don’t care if you spent one hour on it today and the rest of your time faffing around or sitting on the couch. Sometimes, that’s exactly what coping with life requires of us.

Forgive yourself, and admit to the guilty pleasures and bad habits. We not only all have them, but sometimes we NEED them in order to do the work we’re here to do.

At the moment, I’m dropping in and out of the online world due to some offline circumstances, but you can always reach me via email. It may take me weeks to respond, but I will eventually get to it!

Tamzin xx

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