I’ve found it helpful to think that most of what we do evolves in an extremely literal way— we keep making mistakes, keep hold of what works, and slowly accumulate the working things over a very long time.
I think a lot of us maybe think of ourselves as more like Creator Gods, who should know what they’re doing at the start of a process then execute everything flawlessly? But I don’t think that’s how creation really works. It’s allowing a space to evolve.
Absolutely. We want to be brilliant on day one, we don't want to have to learn. But anyone we admire whose work we appreciate, got there by trial and error, by patience and perseverance. We just love to forget that fact and be really hard on ourselves when anything we do doesn't measure up by our own very harsh standards! Thank you Robert for the comment, it's always lovely to hear from you. I hope you are well?
Thank you for the suggestion to create with the idea in mind that you *could* get lucky. I love this - not a delusion of grandeur or even a goal, just a knowing that it could happen as you keep creating. 💛
Thanks so much for this Tamzin, it’s been so helpful for me as I lean into working more on a collection of artwork to share my creativity. For so long I lost this part of myself it’s been so useful to read this.
Your posts these last months have really encouraged me. 🤍
Oh Dawn, I can't wait to see your collection of artwork! That sounds very exciting, though I imagine it has also been a challenge. Thank you for your kind words, I'm so glad that I've been able to encourage you through this platform. Keep us in the loop about your artwork so that we can come and support!
Yes! It’s certainly been a journey, I’m now embracing the creative process and will keep you posted. Your community calls sound great I will be looking into joining. 🤍
Thank you so much for this Tamzin. Any advice on how to cope with mean comments? I shared a vulnerable piece of writing and got mostly really kind comments from people who connected with it but one sarcastic one that seemed to suggest I was complaining about nothing… Triggered hurt and shame in me. I worry I’m too sensitive to cope with more comments like this which are maybe inevitable when we put ourselves out there online…
OOOF Ellie, I'm so sorry you experienced that. That is a tough one.
First of all, your reaction is entirely human, you're not too sensitive (there's no such thing). I'm sure you know this already but I'll say it even so as a reminder, our brains are hard-wired to look out for danger, or for signs that we won't be accepted by the crowd. This is why we don't focus on multiple compliments, we can't help but narrow in on the one insult. So, allowing space for that hurt, for the pain of the rejection, is completely normal. Studies have actually been done on rejection which show that what gets triggered in the brain is the same as physical pain, and we don't get over physical pain in an instant.
Secondly, well done for sharing that vulnerable post. Whoever left a sarcastic comment is probably dealing with their own shame, and their way of dealing with it is to take it out on you. It's not about you, so much as what you mirrored to them. The showing up and sharing a post is so brave, so remember that!
As for coping as you go on, this is nuanced. On some days, you might feel like you have armour of steel, and others, you may want to hide and not post. There are things you can do before posting (I feel like I need a voice message function to go through all of this!) to make sure you feel safe with what you're sharing, and continually listening to yourself and discerning what level of vulnerability feels good to you might be the best way of moving forwards...
Thank you so much Tamzin for this reply. It feels like a lovely hug! I really appreciate it. That totally makes sense about rejection feeling like physical pain; that's what it felt like, a jolt in my body. It feels especially painful to have shared something vulnerable - with my armour down - and then to get what felt like a punch in the heart.
And yes, you're so right that this person must have felt triggered - that perhaps they feel very unseen, unheard and what they saw in my piece was privilege that they don't have. Even the privilege of being able to share vulnerably and to be accepted in that by many people. I am sure they were/are in pain and felt a bit better by cutting me down to size. Sometimes when we're in pain we want others to be in pain too - I have definitely done this many, many times. And I've also judged people in the way this person judged me.
I would love to hear more about how to check in before posting to see what feels OK to share! Gosh that would be SO useful. I am also writing a memoir and often feel panic around how it might be received. Obviously I can't remotely control how people react to what I share and not everyone is going to accept and understand me, but I would like to be able to feel more resilient around that.
You're very welcome 😊 and yes, the checking-in and measuring your internal dial is so important, and will grow over time. You're not alone in that process, it comes up in my mentoring quite a bit... X
I just wanted to say I’m sorry that happened to you. I also wanted to say that in writing my memoir, a lot of these same feelings come up. You are not alone. I have written about this a few times over the past year in case you find it helpful. Here is one post on the topic. Keep writing, and be gentle with yourself as you navigate the sharing. You will find the way through.
as you said in one of the comments, we al want to be experts/brilliant on day one. but we don't spend to much time learning from people who have been doing this for years and years.
Guess we all want a ton of subscribers without putting to much work in? when it should be the other way round.
Thanks for sharing this, I have learnt quite a bit. looking forward to your next one.
I love what you say here about the benefits of slow growth and giving yourself permission to take breaks. I also took 6 weeks off last year when I was travelling. I'm honestly not sure anyone even really noticed and it certainly wasn't detrimental. We out so much pressure on ourselves.... 😊
We really do. I travel quite a lot and sometimes just can't manage scheduling all of my weekly posts before I go away, so I just let it go and decide not to stress. And it's totally fine 😊
Hi Tamzin, I would be interested in joining your create and connect zoom. I can’t join today, but I would love to know more about the gatherings. Thank you!
This was just the read I needed, thank you (both parts). I'm only three weeks in, and navigating it has been making me stressed! Where is the joy? Even before I started posting, I read so much about how people "do" Substack (I am the kind of learn-before-take action creative) that it drove me into my first writers-block and made it super hard to publish my first post!
Hey Aiste, thank you for your comment. I know for sure that many people have felt the same, and given up rather than post at all. Keep going, keep tuning out the noise and the needing to learn or know everything before you just write and create and forge on with why you came here in the first place. I really hope you do find the joy and the writer's block stays at bay!
So much wisdom, thank you for sharing these beautiful insights Tamzin. Here for the slow growth and I love your thoughts on creative rest. I too, love the sound of your sessions, would love to know more xx
Thank you Lyndsay, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I'm definitely all about slow, spaciousness and quiet these days or I wouldn't be able to write a single word. I'll be mentioning more about the Create and Connect sessions in tomorrow's post :)
Beautiful Tamzin! You write in such a way that enables one to feel safe and free to BE THEMSELVES. Thank you.
I read your letter and thought, Tamzin has just read my heart and soul and understands all my fears and worries, what overloads me and what sustains me.
I get overwhelmed easily by what is out there and what is "the best ways to do things." I really loved your analogy about the tide...Oh how that resonated...After reading that I am comfortable to sit on the shore and just wait...the colours over the water are perfect just now!
Being highly sensitive (as I think you are too) I find that the tipping point is closer that at times I would like. The way you write, the tidal analogy for example, the trusting in the natural cycles of Mother Nature and of myself, the idea of befriending some beautiful souls on Substack is what is helping me TRUST my journey here. Thank you for these reminders...
I also really appreciate how you have written your subscription. That everyone essentially gets the same thing except your monthly catchup. I too am using that model and it is so refreshing to see another person use it too.
Hi Sam, thanks so much for your lovely comment. I'm so, so glad if it helped you to feel seen (that's my whole jam :). I love what you say about the view from the shore being beautiful, the colours are perfect. That's so lovely, and we don't stop and enjoy the view nearly enough, especially when we feel as though we're in a drought.
Ah yes, the subscription model, it's not an easy one to figure out! I have a lot that I'd like to offer behind the paywall, but due to my time allowances, it just isn't possible. I love that I have some paying subscribers who simply understand how much work already goes into the weekly newsletter, and they want to pay me for that time.
However, with this new mentoring container for the Overwhelmed, I think I'll also give them all founding member benefits :)
I’ve found it helpful to think that most of what we do evolves in an extremely literal way— we keep making mistakes, keep hold of what works, and slowly accumulate the working things over a very long time.
I think a lot of us maybe think of ourselves as more like Creator Gods, who should know what they’re doing at the start of a process then execute everything flawlessly? But I don’t think that’s how creation really works. It’s allowing a space to evolve.
Absolutely. We want to be brilliant on day one, we don't want to have to learn. But anyone we admire whose work we appreciate, got there by trial and error, by patience and perseverance. We just love to forget that fact and be really hard on ourselves when anything we do doesn't measure up by our own very harsh standards! Thank you Robert for the comment, it's always lovely to hear from you. I hope you are well?
Mostly! I do need to sleep a lot
Thank you for the suggestion to create with the idea in mind that you *could* get lucky. I love this - not a delusion of grandeur or even a goal, just a knowing that it could happen as you keep creating. 💛
Exactly! Believing in some magic, doing our best in the meantime, but not doing it just for that. Lovely to meet you Stephanie! You write fiction?
Yes! Fairly new to sharing my writing, but here I have begun to share some fiction and personal essays. Great to meet you!
Thanks so much for this Tamzin, it’s been so helpful for me as I lean into working more on a collection of artwork to share my creativity. For so long I lost this part of myself it’s been so useful to read this.
Your posts these last months have really encouraged me. 🤍
Oh Dawn, I can't wait to see your collection of artwork! That sounds very exciting, though I imagine it has also been a challenge. Thank you for your kind words, I'm so glad that I've been able to encourage you through this platform. Keep us in the loop about your artwork so that we can come and support!
Yes! It’s certainly been a journey, I’m now embracing the creative process and will keep you posted. Your community calls sound great I will be looking into joining. 🤍
Saving to read
Thanks Claire, come back and let me know what you think :)
Thank you so much for this Tamzin. Any advice on how to cope with mean comments? I shared a vulnerable piece of writing and got mostly really kind comments from people who connected with it but one sarcastic one that seemed to suggest I was complaining about nothing… Triggered hurt and shame in me. I worry I’m too sensitive to cope with more comments like this which are maybe inevitable when we put ourselves out there online…
OOOF Ellie, I'm so sorry you experienced that. That is a tough one.
First of all, your reaction is entirely human, you're not too sensitive (there's no such thing). I'm sure you know this already but I'll say it even so as a reminder, our brains are hard-wired to look out for danger, or for signs that we won't be accepted by the crowd. This is why we don't focus on multiple compliments, we can't help but narrow in on the one insult. So, allowing space for that hurt, for the pain of the rejection, is completely normal. Studies have actually been done on rejection which show that what gets triggered in the brain is the same as physical pain, and we don't get over physical pain in an instant.
Secondly, well done for sharing that vulnerable post. Whoever left a sarcastic comment is probably dealing with their own shame, and their way of dealing with it is to take it out on you. It's not about you, so much as what you mirrored to them. The showing up and sharing a post is so brave, so remember that!
As for coping as you go on, this is nuanced. On some days, you might feel like you have armour of steel, and others, you may want to hide and not post. There are things you can do before posting (I feel like I need a voice message function to go through all of this!) to make sure you feel safe with what you're sharing, and continually listening to yourself and discerning what level of vulnerability feels good to you might be the best way of moving forwards...
Thank you so much Tamzin for this reply. It feels like a lovely hug! I really appreciate it. That totally makes sense about rejection feeling like physical pain; that's what it felt like, a jolt in my body. It feels especially painful to have shared something vulnerable - with my armour down - and then to get what felt like a punch in the heart.
And yes, you're so right that this person must have felt triggered - that perhaps they feel very unseen, unheard and what they saw in my piece was privilege that they don't have. Even the privilege of being able to share vulnerably and to be accepted in that by many people. I am sure they were/are in pain and felt a bit better by cutting me down to size. Sometimes when we're in pain we want others to be in pain too - I have definitely done this many, many times. And I've also judged people in the way this person judged me.
I would love to hear more about how to check in before posting to see what feels OK to share! Gosh that would be SO useful. I am also writing a memoir and often feel panic around how it might be received. Obviously I can't remotely control how people react to what I share and not everyone is going to accept and understand me, but I would like to be able to feel more resilient around that.
Thank you again, so much x
You're very welcome 😊 and yes, the checking-in and measuring your internal dial is so important, and will grow over time. You're not alone in that process, it comes up in my mentoring quite a bit... X
Ellie,
I just wanted to say I’m sorry that happened to you. I also wanted to say that in writing my memoir, a lot of these same feelings come up. You are not alone. I have written about this a few times over the past year in case you find it helpful. Here is one post on the topic. Keep writing, and be gentle with yourself as you navigate the sharing. You will find the way through.
https://open.substack.com/pub/pocketfulofprose/p/bypassing-the-jugular?r=qqbxq&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Thank you Mary, I will read your post x
Really wise stuff Tamzin. Thank you!
Thank you Mary!
Hi Tamzin,
as you said in one of the comments, we al want to be experts/brilliant on day one. but we don't spend to much time learning from people who have been doing this for years and years.
Guess we all want a ton of subscribers without putting to much work in? when it should be the other way round.
Thanks for sharing this, I have learnt quite a bit. looking forward to your next one.
Thank you JP, it's always lovely to hear if something I put out there has helped at all, so I appreciate your comment 🙏
Great article Tamzin -promise to set my alarm to the right world clock on the next create and connect gathering 😄
Would be so great to have you there !
Such great reminders thank you Tamzin! I could restack every sentence. 😅
Aw Carmen! That means so much to me, thank you!
I love what you say here about the benefits of slow growth and giving yourself permission to take breaks. I also took 6 weeks off last year when I was travelling. I'm honestly not sure anyone even really noticed and it certainly wasn't detrimental. We out so much pressure on ourselves.... 😊
We really do. I travel quite a lot and sometimes just can't manage scheduling all of my weekly posts before I go away, so I just let it go and decide not to stress. And it's totally fine 😊
Hi Tamzin, I would be interested in joining your create and connect zoom. I can’t join today, but I would love to know more about the gatherings. Thank you!
Would love to have you there Mary!
This was just the read I needed, thank you (both parts). I'm only three weeks in, and navigating it has been making me stressed! Where is the joy? Even before I started posting, I read so much about how people "do" Substack (I am the kind of learn-before-take action creative) that it drove me into my first writers-block and made it super hard to publish my first post!
Hey Aiste, thank you for your comment. I know for sure that many people have felt the same, and given up rather than post at all. Keep going, keep tuning out the noise and the needing to learn or know everything before you just write and create and forge on with why you came here in the first place. I really hope you do find the joy and the writer's block stays at bay!
thank you ✨
So much wisdom, thank you for sharing these beautiful insights Tamzin. Here for the slow growth and I love your thoughts on creative rest. I too, love the sound of your sessions, would love to know more xx
Thank you Lyndsay, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I'm definitely all about slow, spaciousness and quiet these days or I wouldn't be able to write a single word. I'll be mentioning more about the Create and Connect sessions in tomorrow's post :)
LOVE this. thank you <3
Thanks Dee, I'm really glad if it helps :)
this all reflects what my instinct has intuited
slow and steady usually wins the race and it isnt really a race...hmmm
also i hear Petty singin "Even the losers...get lucky sometiiiiime.."
🤣🤪😉
Beautiful Tamzin! You write in such a way that enables one to feel safe and free to BE THEMSELVES. Thank you.
I read your letter and thought, Tamzin has just read my heart and soul and understands all my fears and worries, what overloads me and what sustains me.
I get overwhelmed easily by what is out there and what is "the best ways to do things." I really loved your analogy about the tide...Oh how that resonated...After reading that I am comfortable to sit on the shore and just wait...the colours over the water are perfect just now!
Being highly sensitive (as I think you are too) I find that the tipping point is closer that at times I would like. The way you write, the tidal analogy for example, the trusting in the natural cycles of Mother Nature and of myself, the idea of befriending some beautiful souls on Substack is what is helping me TRUST my journey here. Thank you for these reminders...
I also really appreciate how you have written your subscription. That everyone essentially gets the same thing except your monthly catchup. I too am using that model and it is so refreshing to see another person use it too.
Thank you Tamzin.
Thank you, for the light you are.
Hi Sam, thanks so much for your lovely comment. I'm so, so glad if it helped you to feel seen (that's my whole jam :). I love what you say about the view from the shore being beautiful, the colours are perfect. That's so lovely, and we don't stop and enjoy the view nearly enough, especially when we feel as though we're in a drought.
Ah yes, the subscription model, it's not an easy one to figure out! I have a lot that I'd like to offer behind the paywall, but due to my time allowances, it just isn't possible. I love that I have some paying subscribers who simply understand how much work already goes into the weekly newsletter, and they want to pay me for that time.
However, with this new mentoring container for the Overwhelmed, I think I'll also give them all founding member benefits :)