"If you realise your dreams, you’ll show others that they can too. If you own your seemingly ‘greedy’ desires, you’ll show those around you that it isn’t actually greedy, at all." Reminds of Glennon Doyle talking about the fact there is no such thing as one way liberation. Needed this reminder that it's not selfish to talk about what we want, especially as women.
These days, my truest want is financial freedom and security. I want to live comfortably, get paid for my artistic work, and be able to regularly support communities in need.
I remember being told ‘I want never gets’ when I was very small and I never forgot it. As a child I remember using the words ‘I would like’ when I really wanted to say I want but thought that would jinx me! The message can be reinforced so frequently it’s taken on deeply, the women I work with find it incredibly difficult to ask for what they want, sometimes to even know what they want.
Tamzin this is brilliant. Loved the way you have framed our desires and the guilt that often comes with them. It’s something I’ve been doing some work on myself of late. I grew up in a catholic household and education, where by, it was sinful to want or desire something that was more than you really needed. When we failed to achieve what we really wanted it was always ‘oh well it’s not meant to be’ that perpetual subconscious messaging that we are not meant to have more, be more has been a tough one to shake in my adult life.
Working in the interior design industry, which let’s face it is a high end service, I have struggled with pricing myself and the custom pieces that I make just to make it more affordable to a client but this has then jeopardised my own income. It’s been a tough one to navigate. I’m getting better but it’s hard.
What I want, really want is for our new home to be finished with all the custom made pieces I know will give us absolute comfort, last a lifetime, be pieces that will be passed onto the boys one day and will allow us to relax in our own spaces for the first time ever. Gosh that feels good to get off my chest 😄
Oh there's lots here isn't there! Wanting can feel too selfish, or too much for some of us. Saying 'I would like' gives us the opportunity to back out, to say that we weren't bothered, or didn't really want it. It's a tentative, asking of something, rather than a demand for something we deserve. I think self-worth comes into this a lot, not just around how easy it is for us to communicate our wants, but also to know which wants are positively impacting us, and which are not.
A really interesting piece. Something I think I really needed to question - why is 'I would like' so much better than 'I want' and what else does this make us think about wanting/desiring things?
Lovely article Tamzin. I always substitute want for would like. I was bought up to conform, behave, be a good girl, etc. Still working on that 😆 Sooooo.... I want to earn enough from my illustration work to give up (again 🙄) my day job that allows me and my family to thrive. And I don’t want to work all the hours to achieve that!
So thought provoking. I think I have many blocks because when I asked myself what it is that I actually want, I came up blank. As a mum, a wife and everything in between, my wants are often not at the top of the list and so I don’t give it much thought.
Leave it with me though! I’m going to ponder this today and see what I come up with. I’ll let you know 😊
"If you realise your dreams, you’ll show others that they can too. If you own your seemingly ‘greedy’ desires, you’ll show those around you that it isn’t actually greedy, at all." Reminds of Glennon Doyle talking about the fact there is no such thing as one way liberation. Needed this reminder that it's not selfish to talk about what we want, especially as women.
These days, my truest want is financial freedom and security. I want to live comfortably, get paid for my artistic work, and be able to regularly support communities in need.
I remember being told ‘I want never gets’ when I was very small and I never forgot it. As a child I remember using the words ‘I would like’ when I really wanted to say I want but thought that would jinx me! The message can be reinforced so frequently it’s taken on deeply, the women I work with find it incredibly difficult to ask for what they want, sometimes to even know what they want.
Tamzin this is brilliant. Loved the way you have framed our desires and the guilt that often comes with them. It’s something I’ve been doing some work on myself of late. I grew up in a catholic household and education, where by, it was sinful to want or desire something that was more than you really needed. When we failed to achieve what we really wanted it was always ‘oh well it’s not meant to be’ that perpetual subconscious messaging that we are not meant to have more, be more has been a tough one to shake in my adult life.
Working in the interior design industry, which let’s face it is a high end service, I have struggled with pricing myself and the custom pieces that I make just to make it more affordable to a client but this has then jeopardised my own income. It’s been a tough one to navigate. I’m getting better but it’s hard.
What I want, really want is for our new home to be finished with all the custom made pieces I know will give us absolute comfort, last a lifetime, be pieces that will be passed onto the boys one day and will allow us to relax in our own spaces for the first time ever. Gosh that feels good to get off my chest 😄
Oh there's lots here isn't there! Wanting can feel too selfish, or too much for some of us. Saying 'I would like' gives us the opportunity to back out, to say that we weren't bothered, or didn't really want it. It's a tentative, asking of something, rather than a demand for something we deserve. I think self-worth comes into this a lot, not just around how easy it is for us to communicate our wants, but also to know which wants are positively impacting us, and which are not.
A really interesting piece. Something I think I really needed to question - why is 'I would like' so much better than 'I want' and what else does this make us think about wanting/desiring things?
Thank you :)
Lovely article Tamzin. I always substitute want for would like. I was bought up to conform, behave, be a good girl, etc. Still working on that 😆 Sooooo.... I want to earn enough from my illustration work to give up (again 🙄) my day job that allows me and my family to thrive. And I don’t want to work all the hours to achieve that!
Wow Tamzin!
So thought provoking. I think I have many blocks because when I asked myself what it is that I actually want, I came up blank. As a mum, a wife and everything in between, my wants are often not at the top of the list and so I don’t give it much thought.
Leave it with me though! I’m going to ponder this today and see what I come up with. I’ll let you know 😊
I want to lie in bed for a day watching Netflix without feeling guilty
Beautiful Tazmin