On sinking, floating, and all the levels in between
Why I disappeared and how to go slowly through Winter (especially January)
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Hello friends, and welcome to all the new subscribers; there’s been quite a few of you show up here over the last couple of weeks and I’m so grateful to have you here.
I just renamed this publication from ‘Uncovering’ to ‘Resurface’.
Uncovering is about peeling back the layers, finding the hidden gems we don’t realise we’ve buried, and while I still write about that, the name itself didn’t sit quite right.
Resurface, on the other hand, represents the shedding of dead weight, to be able to float back up to the light.
There’s nothing I like more than to float, especially on the surface of the sea. It’s my favourite place to be. I just lie back, close my eyes and trust that a wave won’t come along, and give all my weight to the water. It holds and supports me.
Of course, sometimes a wave does come along. I might inhale some water and cough and splutter. Sometimes, I’ll sink a little.
The second half of last year was an exercise in resurfacing for me. I let go of so many weights that were holding me back, which allowed me to embark on new and much braver projects in my work. I let go of some conditioning, and as a result I could step up and start using my voice in ways I hadn’t even considered. I began to write and found such a loving audience to these letters that I never expected.
But then December and January hit, and I sank.
Naturally, it made me feel like a fraud. How can I write about resurfacing or do healing work with clients if I myself have sunk back down into the murky darkness? If I can’t see clearly through the silt, what value can I possibly offer others?
But the truth is, we can’t always float. We can’t hope to resurface if we haven’t spent some time in the depths. I would be no use to my clients if I myself haven’t gone through the process of sinking down and floating back up, over and over again. Each time, we learn something new. The darkness may be cold and harsh, but there is so much value in there too…