Turning towards pain in order to heal
With Madison Murphy Barney
Welcome to Resurface, with me, Tamzin Merivale.
I’m an intuitive artist, writer and mentor, and this space is for creating deeper connections not only to others, but to parts of ourselves that have been forgotten, neglected, or are waiting to be discovered. My mission is to show you just how much you light up the world a round you, simply by existing.
My mission is to see the unseen, to hear the unheard, to bear witness.
You can learn more about how I do this here.
Today,
has contributed an essay about how facing towards the darkest, most “unlovable” parts of herself, gave her a path to freedom and healing.When she submitted her column to me, I was astounded at just how apt it was — her description of witnessing, integrating, and freeing herself of shame, grief, rejection, loneliness, etc, described exactly what I aim to do in all of my work. If you see my blurb I paste at the top of these posts, I use some of the same language to describe what I do.
I first discovered Murphy on the To Be Magnetic podcast, and I reached out to her as soon as I finished listening.
Madison Murphy Barney is an Indigenous sister, doula, writer, and public health storyteller. She authors the popular newsletter Our Medicine, an exploration of our individual, collective, and ancestral gifts that can serve as the medicine to heal and build our world into a more just, balanced and communal ecosystem. You can follow her re-matriation journey of two acres of land in Vermont here.
Tools for accessing deeper parts of ourselves
by Madison Murphy Barney
Until 2019, I thought my achievements would keep me safe. My modus operandi was to ceaselessly move toward the next thing. I met my exhaustion with overdrive. Then, I was knocked down with a brutal blow. While down, I was able to see the seeds that were planted in my early years that led me to a life steeped in shame, fear, and a desperate clinging to external markers of success.
I made the decision to turn towards the pain — towards grief, rejection, shame, fear and loneliness. I decided to meet my quickened heartbeat with curiosity. I was in too much pain to make a grand roadmap toward healing, but in just the right amount of pain to make one decision at a time. I pulled out my flash-light and went towards what I thought were the darkest, most unlovable parts of myself. What I found, instead, were parts waiting to be witnessed. Once witnessed, they are free. Once free, they are integrated.
This practice led me home to myself. It led me to a deeper connection with my ancestors. Consistently turning “toward” guided me to healers and modalities that allowed me to look even closer at the places within me that were covered in cobwebs or stuffed away in boxes. Arriving here demands presence. It disallows being caught adrift in waves of future-tripping – a favourite place of mine.
A few years into this practice, and there is a spaciousness within me. This spaciousness can only be maintained when I choose to turn toward. I feel it constrict when I am avoiding a truth, it shrinks when I pretend that I can lie to myself. I am swimming in clear water, thus, I notice when I’ve allowed muck to cloud the lake.
When there is joy I turn toward it. When there is grief I greet it. I have morning tea with my shame, and an early dinner with scarcity. When there is art that wants to be created, I create it. When I want to turn away, I turn back and find out why. It is freedom in the most complete sense.
A thorough honesty, one decision at a time.
Let us know in the comments what sticky, uncomfortable emotions you’ve decided to turn towards, rather than avoid.
What might you have to gain from facing them?
Do you notice feeling more whole after going through the motions of integrating those shadows?
Thanks so much again to
, I highly recommend following her or subscribing to her newsletter.Until next week,
Tamzin xx
P. S.
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Creative Outsiders — combining masterclasses and mentoring to set you up to be your most free and creative self yet.
 | A guest post by
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Regret, came to visit and stayed awhile after I invited it in to talk. We shared and revisited past times to re assess and consider choices made against current realities . Regret, then told me it had to move on, now satisfied that the best choices were made and lessons learnt.
This has been my path over recent years. It’s enabled me to heal and resolve a lot of past trauma (childhood, ancestral, self inflicted). It was quite the realisation to see that I was already healthy and whole. That it wasn’t me that was broken or needed fixing, it’s the systems of our own creation. The result is I’ve healed myself beyond what is medically believed is possible. So it’s not that true health isn’t possible, it’s the deep inner and mostly misunderstood work that it takes to get us there that we need to understand.